Leila Rose Petal

Yesterday Mark & I were talking about how much more real the baby will feel once we know whether it’s a boy or a girl. It occurred to me that throughout the pregnancy there are layers of reality added as we find out more about the munchkin.

First there’s the lines on the stick that say that you’re not just suffering from really bad PMS. Then there’s the visit to the doctor to get the medical agreement that you’re pregnant and to put your on the baby track.

The next layer is the 12 week ultrasound. It’s the first time you see the baby and both times it’s been a little bit mind blowing for me. To see that there really is a baby in there is a huge thing.

The next reality layer really depends upon how the pregnancy is progressing and the decisions you’ve made. For some it will be test results which show chromosomal defects and the baby’s sex. For others - usually in their second or later pregnancy - it will be starting to feel the baby move. The little flutters and bumps that say there’s someone in there. I’ve had these and they’re both exciting and frustratingly elusive. The baby only moves when I’m not paying attention and as soon as I notice it stops.

And then there’s the 20 week ultrasound, the second time you see the baby. If you haven’t had tests this is when you find out the baby’s sex. For us this will mean knuckling down to the serious business of names. Thus far we’ve only been able to come up with a couple of girls’ names we like and there are no boys’ names which grab us. Knowing if we have a boy or a girl should focus things. Once we can refer to the baby by his or her name the experience becomes that little bit more real for us.

After this there’s the kicks, bumps and wriggles which become the bane of a pregnant woman’s existence, along with the very Alien-like experience of seeing the baby move under your skin. If you’re in any doubt that there’s someone inside you that should put them to rest.

Finally, of course, the whole thing becomes really real when you hold the little bundle in your arms. But it is still a little surreal and remains so - for me, at least. I still look at Finn and wonder at the fact that he was ever a little bundle of cells furiously dividing.